Addiction: How it affects the lives of family and friends.

When my brother and I first found out about our parent’s addiction it was a shock. We saw drug addicts on the roads, singing to themselves, dancing uncontrollably, etc. We pay no attention to them and tend to push them aside but what we don’t think of is that they are struggling. My mom was a working, caring, and loving mother. Never would you know that behind all of that she was struggling and had found a new, dangerous way to cope. 

My parents never married, and honestly, they were never in a healthy relationship. They were on and off since my mom was 18. My dad lived with us until I was three, then he got kicked out and had to live with his parents in Mukilteo. From then on, I only saw him once a month every three months. To a young child, it was confusing; I never truly understood why. When I was in 2nd grade, he was arrested with his girlfriend for stealing from Cabella’s and possession of drugs with the intent to sell. He was arrested and sent to a prison in Eastern Washington for two years. My brother and I went to see him twice while he was incarcerated. They were short hour-long visits once a year. It was like taking a hammer to my heart. When I was 8 years old I didn’t understand anything about this situation. I would cry for hours just wanting my dad. Once he got out I never really saw him. He got kicked out again and was back on the streets. Now I have him blocked and I no longer talk to him. 

One thing drug addicts never notice is how much their addiction actually affects those around them. Addiction is never just about the addict because their loved ones are getting the repercussions. The loss of their loved ones. The dread of saying goodbye over and over again. The hurt and heartache of having to remove them from their lives. Addiction is a disease and you have to have the willpower to fight it. Nobody can do it alone but nobody will do it for you if you betray and beg for more than they can offer.

In the interview with my older brother Hunter Smallwood, he stated, “It wasn’t until much later in my childhood that I realized what they (our parents)  were doing.” We noticed from the start what our dad was up to just because he made it very obvious and had no intention of hiding it. But besides that, he talked about our mother’s addiction as well. It took us much longer to realize that our mother was struggling as well, but eventually, it came out. She went to rehab for the first time in 2018. We didn’t fully understand why or what it was, but we knew she was going away. She went; and then came back three days later at 2 a.m. I had a phone at that point and she had called me to come to unlock the door for her. In shock, I did so. I soon after went back to bed, however, Hunter states, “She came into my room and just sat on my bed for a couple of minutes then when she went to get up I woke up… She acted really excited but I was just really confused.”  During our interview, he said something that really stuck with me. “Your mind is stronger than your actions” Meaning you can do something wrong but as long as you know that you can correct it and make it better, you will be okay. My mom struggled and continues to struggle every day but she still makes the effort and takes care of her children. We were enough for her, and so her mind was strong enough to control her actions, even in the face of addiction. My dad on the other hand was not. He chose drugs and continues to choose them. He decided that they were more important than his kids and we’ve learned to love our mom for both roles. 

When you read a story like this one, obviously it brings people down. It makes them sad, but that’s not the point of this article; this article is to help people. To help them understand that they are not alone. If you are struggling with addiction or struggling with a family member having an addiction, you can talk to people; as long as there are people who love you, and you love them in return, there is help for you. There are NA and AA and other kinds of meetings constantly going on for all people to attend. You can get better. “Your mind is stronger than your actions.”