What are Toxic Relationships, And How Do They Affect Us?

Editor’s Note: As a content warning, the following article describes situations in which a person may struggle with their mental health and wellbeing, especially in the context of a romantic relationship. This content may not be appropriate for all readers, so please continue forward at your own discretion.

Also, while it is important that our readers be able to recognize toxic relationships, it is also important that our readers know to seek help if they find themselves in similar situations. If you find yourself in a relationship that bears similarities to those described in the article, please contact your school counselor at your earliest convenience.

Being in a toxic relationship can be an extremely emotionally damaging experience, and it is important for people of all ages to know how to get over these relationships, how harmful they are, and discuss people’s experiences. For starters, what is a toxic relationship? A toxic relationship is a relationship with someone – whether that relationship is romantic, platonic, or family – that is extremely negative, typically has harmful or manipulative aspects, and is generally not good. Sometimes the people we feel like we love just end up not being everything we expected.

 When reflecting on a past relationship, 12th grader Meg Ritchie explained how there were positives but there were also many negatives. “He treated me like I was just a toy for him to love whenever he felt like it, he was kind of like ‘oh I’ll talk to her when I feel like it’ sort of thing and kind of took me for granted and used me.” Ritchie stated while talking about her ex-boyfriend. When considering why the relationship continued, Ritchie says she felt like the good took over the bad times so she just ignored the red flags. Their relationship lasted for quite some time until her friends convinced her that it was time to let go, since it was causing more harm than good. 

A toxic relationship can affect more than just your love life. In recalling a previous relationship, 12th grader Malachai Hill recalls how his partner’s behavior ruined his mental health; “My mental health was wrecked by this relationship. I wanted to break up with her the whole time but was too afraid to upset her by doing so,” Hill says. He also had previously mentioned how emotionally manipulative she was before and after the relationship, he felt stuck due to her saying she would hurt herself but because she thought of him she wasn’t going to. Obviously after hearing something like that, someone wouldn’t want to upset them, especially if it leads to their partner hurting themselves, because then it’ll feel like your fault. This is the trap that many people find themselves in when the relationship turns sour.

Even the ending of a toxic relationship does not mean the end to the struggles one faces while trapped in one. After discussing with Luca Rand about his experience with a toxic partner, he talked about how this relationship took a lot from him, he is constantly on edge and can’t completely trust anyone who has romantic feelings for him and is not comfortable with physical intimacy anymore. This relationship only lasted six months back in 2020, but Luca says it took him about a year or longer to get over everything that he had gone through. Both Luca and his partner at the time had gotten more toxic towards the end of the relationship but his partner was always the instigator and put him in situations that made him act irrationally. 

“It took me the majority of the relationship to realize it was toxic and it didn’t even process that he was abusive until someone pointed it out after the fact.” Luca states. This is important to go over because it shows that some people may not even notice the signs of a toxic relationship that they need to get out of. 

As for realizing you may be in a toxic situation, this can be an extremely difficult thing to notice since you can be so in love with this person who isn’t as good as you have made yourself think they are. You get so consumed in all the good, the positive in the relationship that you see nothing wrong but you really have to force yourself to see the negatives and not just belittle them into being something that can be pushed aside. These negative aspects of the relationship will slowly impact and damage your health. In the end, just be careful and listen to people if they tell you they see negative things happening to you or bad things in your relationship. As much as you don’t want to give up the relationship, it will be for the best. Now, if you are in this situation and you manage to get out, getting over it can be difficult, so try not to let yourself sulk, make sure to eat and stay as hygienic as possible. If this doesn’t help try to find new hobbies that distance you from the person and things you did together, this will distract you completely. Also spending time with friends will keep your mind off of things and you will typically feel more positive when around their energy. Finally time, time will do the best healing, as much as it sucks and no one wants to just wait things out sometimes it is the best option.